A few years ago, I contributed to the immediate structure and environment after an M&A. I was heading the parent company's Architecture and DevOps group at the time. My peer from the acquired company led a similar group in their original setup. Each group has its strengths and shortcomings, so the challenge was finding a common strategy that would be greater than the sum of its parts. This is where things got interesting.

Wading through a swamp

We both had different personalities. My peer was more aggressive, while I was cautious. He had a penchant for details, and I tended to get lost. We had different backgrounds as well. He was a better business leader, while I was more hands-on.

Then, there was the politics of the situation. One of the executives from his original company or my peer would be my new boss. So some ideas got shelved because they would not be palatable to any leader.

We went back and forth for almost a month and made little progress. The lack of progress meant we had to rethink our approach. The fundamental issue was that we needed to find common ground to build something new.

Here's what worked for us then and later for me in similar situations.

Assess the Obstacles

What is in your way to finding common ground? Our personalities, backgrounds, and biases both help and hinder. When you become aware of the obstacles, you can maneuver around them. But, unaware, you keep stumbling into these invisible barricades. In the M&A situation, the biggest obstacle was I needed to know the new leaders of the larger organization. Once I understood their vision and realized they cared about the same things I did, things became more manageable. By the way, nine times out of ten, the biggest obstacle is the lack of relationships and shared context.

Understand the Desired Outcomes

I have lost track of the times when my team is debating something while a bunch of us are sitting wondering where we are supposed to be headed. If this happens to groups that work closely together, it can't work magically with someone with whom you are trying to establish a starting point. However, you will find common goals once you agree on desired outcomes. That would be a big win.

Make the Conversation Safe

The politics of the situation puts a strain on the flow and acceptance of ideas. Small things matter. For example, instead of shooting down a bad idea, start with how it may be beneficial and follow up with your concerns. Doing it the other way around brings forth criticism first which tends to shut the flow of ideas. Another critical factor is being authentic. If you think an idea is horrible, don't force the "its-good-however" routine. The fastest way to make a conversation safe is for participants to build trust by being okay with vulnerability. Admit your bad ideas, fears, biases, or anything that makes you inauthentic.

Be Curious

Curiosity is essential to finding innovative solutions. I struggle with this one because my formal training taught me to find and fix problems. As a result, I might think of something as a problem when it's different. It takes a conscious effort to go, "ah, that's interesting, can you tell me more?" instead of "ah, that's not going to work." In general, ask more questions before forming an assertion.

Share Facts and Assumptions

Facts may differ depending on how they are collected and lead to different perceptions. Therefore, share the facts behind your proposal or idea when validating ideas and solutions. State your assumptions and ask others to do the same.